These pretzels are making me thirsty!

I've been on a knitting rampage. I currently have about four projects on the go, I just finished one that wasn't even on the knitting "agenda", and I have at least three more ideas brewing in the ol' noggin.

The project that butt ahead in line is currently in the washing machine, but I'll take a picture of it later and post it. Mr, Operandi says that if I wear it in public, he will stand nowhere within distance of being associated with me. So, mental note: make a shirt that says "I'm with him --->" on it. I happen to like what I knit, but then again, I'm the person that gets "this is ugly, jen, I bet you'd love it" said to them frequently while out shopping. I like unique, what can I say.

Speaking of making shirts, I made a shirt a couple of years ago that, surprisingly, has never caused me any problems when I wear it in public. I'm not a religious person in the least, and I have no problem at all with people who are religious. Unless, that is, they get all up in my face and preachy. That I have issues with. Anyhow, Daron Malakian of System of a Down, said something during a concert once that made me say "I have to make a shirt saying that!". And I did. Here it is:



Basically, the religion isn't the problem, but the overly fanatical people are. On the back of the shirt, I put a picture of Daron in a priest collar. I didn't take a picture of the back of my shirt, but here's the same picture I just found online.



A bit much, maybe, but the back of the shirt just felt naked and lonely. Plus, it just worked so well!

Anyhow, as far as knitting goes, I decided to make some dishcloths and cloths I can use to wipe Little Monkey after his meals. Here are a couple I recently made, as well as a picture of the (insanely ugly) "drip catcher" I was making to lay along my dishrack.

I really love the ballband pattern, and actually made a cloth last night using it, and I have another on the needles right now. I don't think I was picking up stitches on the log cabin cloth properly. It's not terrible, but it looks a little wonky.

I suppose that's about it, but I wanted to mention something that's been gnawing at me. You know how people say "stranded on a desert island"? Is it not supposed to be deserted island? Am I wrong? A desert island just means it gets very little precipitation. It could be crammed with people. Thirtsy people. But a deserted island, would be an island with no one on it. Which, I thought, is the whole point of the thing.

Open letter to McDonald's

Dear McDonald's,

I have been watching more American TV lately due to the Olympics. And with this extra American TV watching, I have become very irritated by your thousands of commercials I seem to see each and every day. Sure, you support Olympic athletes - good for you - but do they actually eat your "food"?! I doubt it. Maybe a handful of them. And even then, only sometimes. Otherwise, there's no way they'd be fit enough to make it to the Olympics.

My main complaint to you, though, McDonald's, is your breakfast chicken sandwich. What?! Are you serious? What was the logic there? Hmmmm... I bet we can get people to eat fried chicken on a "buttery tasting" bun first thing in the morning. And if we can do that, and their glycemic levels spike from the grease and completely refined and useless white flour buns of shit, they'll come running back to us only hours later for more of that quick acting glucose love! We'll make our wallets fatter while the customers get fatter and more addicted!

I'm not saying the Egg McMuffin is entirely healthy, but at least it has some sort of nutrition value. And it contains some actual "food" that would take longer to work it's way through your system (at least metabolically... not so much digestively *ahem*) To add a chicken sandwich to a breakfast menu is just... disgusting.

As far as I can see this is only in the States right now, but I'm sure Canada will follow the big dogs soon enough, and yet again the waistbands of our population will balloon that much more.

I have to hand it to you, McDonald's, you sure do know how to keep the people coming back, spending their hard-earned money, and eating your "food" that causes them to need and buy more and more of your toxic crap.

But you're not getting me.

Regards,
jen

Nap time post

Alright. I think I have a few minutes to blog. Of course, I had a ton of crap I wanted to mention - my irration by commercials that basically assume we're brainless sheep (though I suppose many of us are), my disgust at how painfully shitty the Valerie Bertinelli book was (not that I expected much, but I couldn't even finish it) - but to be honest, I really want to park my ass on the couch and knit while Little Monkey is napping, so I'll try to keep myself from getting all worked up and wordy.

So, on the needles right now I have a couple piddly things. I'm knitting a little cloth-type thing (using the mason-dixon ballband dishcloth pattern, modified) to put along the edge of my dishrack where the cups like to dribble water all over the counter. I have some socks on the go that I started just after Little Monkey was born - a year and a half ago. I'm also making Bookworm a ribbed lace bolero to wear over a strappy dress to a wedding we'll be attending in a few weeks. For some reason I really enjoyed knitting the bolero the first time around (which was for me, though I'll never wear it), but this time it's boring me. I think it's more the yarn (plain ol' cream) than the pattern, though.

I'm going to finally update my progress bars, and work on making time to post a good rant next time.

I'm back

Yeah, so I forgot that it had been ages since I last posted. Oops! April? Seriously now, that's terrible.

I've finished some of the knitting projects I had on the go, gave up on others due to lack of interest... and even finished a whole sweater I never intended to make at all. I'll have to update the progress bars to match what I've done/not done.

I should probably have more of an interesting "first post back", but I have actually been putting off things around the house that I desperately need to do. My daughter has been away on the mainland for a week with her Granny, and they'll be arriving this evening. I'm pretty sure they'd like clean sheets to sleep on and food to eat.

But, I'll be back very very soon to update the blog properly.

Pictures, I've got pictures...

...I've got stacks and stacks of pictures. PICTURES!

Ok, so I'm no Paul Schaffer.

So, pictures. I got 'em. (Though, only a few - not stacks.) They're not great or anything, but they're more interesting than miles and miles of plain ol' text.

I mentioned I had finished the bolero. I did. I'll likely never, ever wear it. It's just not me. Now, in all honesty, I knew that from the get go. But I wanted to knit it. For the fun of it. I had been basically knitting exclusive stockinette stitch in the days and weeks leading up to the start of the bolero. I needed something with different stitches - like ssk, YO and K2tog. Needed them.

Here it is. If I knew someone else built like Olive Oyl I'd gladly part with it.

In other knitting fun, as mentioned in my previous post, I recently tried my hand at some Fair Isle knitting. And I didn't do too badly. At least that's my opinion. I certainly did a better job at it than I can do at, say, dancing. Have you seen Elaine's dance? She's got nothin' on me.

This was my first attempt. I stole the pattern from Eunny Jang, I believe. I just looked for a link to it, but I can't find it. Damn. I'll try again later and add the link in if I can manage to locate it. I think it's lovely in it's simplicity.

This is now a baby bib. I love the colours, 'cause I'm cheesy like that.

This was a pattern taken from a book of Fair Isle patterns. I'm assuming it's probably a pretty classic design. I have since knit an equal sized square in stockinette, and attached it to the backside of this - therefore creating a sort of trivet. I like it very much - even if some of the stitches are actually kinda uneven.

And lastly, here is the completed back of the Sesame sweater. I'd link to the pattern, but it was hosted on MagKnits, and as you may or may not know, MagKnits is no longer. Which means unless the patterns turn up hosted elsewhere, they are gone, gone, gone. Unfortunate.

I'm now half-way through one of the front panels of Sesame, as well. I would have been much further along, but I got sidetracked by the Fair Isle, as well as making some basic baby bibs.

This is not a very accurate picture of the colour of the yarn, but it's pretty close. It's not quite as reddish as it appears in this photo.

And that's it for pictures. As a completely unrelated foot-note? Did anyone see American Idol last night? I have said from the beginning that David Cook should win the whole thing. And, as much as I have no frickin' clue what any Mariah Carey songs are, I'm pretty certain that what David Cook did last night was a huuuuuuuge change from the original. The guy's a genius. I love him. I think he's great, and he should win. Period.

Got sleep?

I have been way too busy to get here to post anything that makes any sort of sense. Poor Little Monkey has been sick since about Wednesday, and as much as he's handling it very well, his whole little world is all off kilter. Naps are being taken at unusual times, meals are being picked at, and drool and mucus is abundant.

Last night he decided to revert back to about 3-month-old tactics, and woke me up. At 3:30am. Good god, I can't handle that anymore. That was over. Chapter closed. The ship had sailed. All that. Yet, there I was, middle of the night with an admittedly adorable sleep-stealer in my arms in the kitchen.

I had intended to post some amusing anecdotes here today. And mention the bolero. It's been done for a while, now, but I just didn't get around to posting pics or commenting on it. I've finished the back of my delicious orange-coloured 'Sesame' sweater. I took a picture. I was going to post it. But now I'm not.

Why?

Because I'm too flipping tired, that's why. But it will come. Maybe later on, after the coffee IV drip jolts me into mental awakeness I'll come back and post my little fingers off. Maybe.

In the meantime I will say this. Lace was fun to knit. For sure. Do I like the end result? Yes... but not for me, personally. I have, however, realized I really love Fair Isle knitting. All else seems boring in comparison, now. And while I would never wear a sweater done in Fair Isle, I am definitely dreaming of really great mittens and hats and socks (oh my!) I could work some great colourwork on.

Almost makes me wish it was autumn again. Almost.

Messy Tuesday

Inspired my the mess over at Shan's, and by the ever present mess around me, I've decided to join the Messy Tuesday bloggers.

I suppose we'll start small. This is the top of my buffet.

But Jen, you say, that's not a real mess. Well, maybe it's not catastrophic. It is sad, though, in the fact that pretty much all of the crap piled on there belongs inside the buffet. I'm so lazy that the simple task of undoing one of those [incredibly fiddly] child locks and tossing crap inside is beyond my level of caring. And so the pile grows.

And now we have my dining room table.Again, it could be worse. (And it usually is - trust me) But this is where we eat. When we can find space, that is. I have honestly been known to stand at the kitchen counter to eat because I can only shove things aside enough to make a space or two. Yes, that is a saw handle you see poking out. What? You don't keep your tools on the dining room table? Note the oh-so-lovely crusty bib. It really adds to the ambiance of fine dining, let me tell you. But hey, look! Five bucks! Sweet!

And now, the finale. The bedroom.

You know, there is a bit of an explanation, here. We recently swapped bedrooms with Little Monkey. And in doing this, have lost a lot of storage space. I have yet to reconfigure where things will be stored, which has resulted in a pile of absolute shame on my bedroom floor. Thankfully this is on Mr. Operandi's side, and I can therefore ignore it at will. We no longer have space to put our laundry basket in the closet, which means that when I get behind in laundry, it now overflows all over the room. I really think the archaic (aka: world's ugliest) dresser really adds a nice touch of ugh to the overall effect.

A time-turner and the philosopher's stone

I have come to the realization that in order to actually knit everything I have queued at Ravelry, have printed out from various web sites, or have just doodled up on my own, I would need to seriously rework my life.

First off, I wouldn't be able to take care of my kids anymore. I wouldn't be able to do housework. Or eat. Or bathe. Or speak to anyone. Or sleep.

Oh, and I'd need to live until the age of approximately 317.

Nothin' to it.

If only the items J.K. Rowling has dreamed up in her books existed. I'd be set.

The bolero is coming along well. I think I'm about half done. I had a close call last night when I got a little cocky about my memorization of the lace pattern, and skipped a stitch. Oops. Thankfully I caught it and was able to knit backwards along and fix my boo boo. I have now put a lifeline through just in case. Crisis averted.

I have discovered, though, that I now find myself staring off into space daydreaming about lace patterns. Me. Lace. It's shocking to say the least. But, I have realized lace need not be dainty. Oh no. Lace does, however, need to be knit. By me. Now.

Is there such a thing as a lace dictionary somewhere online, where someone like me can look through a bunch of lace patterns, and dream up items I may want to make using them?

'Cause, you know... a few more things added to my knitting to-do list can't hurt.

Battle of the Bolero

After some very tense moments during the ripping back process, I have now made progress on the bolero. It was pretty ugly-going for a while, and I was starting to think I was going to just have to start the whole thing over. Thankfully I fought the good fight and came out on top. Victory is mine.

Can I tell you how much I'm enjoying this pattern? It's so simple to memorize, but it's not at all boring. I love how it's looking already... and I know it will look much better once the lace portion is larger. Right now it's kind of all smooshed up, but when I spread it out, it looks awesome.

I'm already thinking about who else I can make one for. The way the pattern is written, it's customizeable to any size, and that's a huge bonus if you ask me.

Here's the bolero thus far:
I love the colour, and although I'm not even remotely a shrug-type garment wearning kind of person, I honestly can't wait until I can wear this.

YOh no

I recently started knitting the ribbed lace bolero to break up the endless 3x1 ribbing monotony of the tubey, and to stop me from wanting to scoop my eyes out with a crochet hook while making the crocheted grocery bag.

All was going well, I was easily doing the 2x2 ribbing while still managing to wiggle my foot and mouth along to Alexisonfire's Crisis at the same time with nary an error. I then reached the lace rows and saw no reason to think I was about to screw the whole thing up. I did, for a brief moment, think to myself that I should thread through a lifeline. But I didn't. The fact that I didn't want to should have been an indication that I should have. *sigh*

Turns out that the YOs in the pattern are simply, well, yarning over. No knit stitch involved. (Of course, I didn't know that then. )Crap. So, I got to the end of row 1 and nothing seemed amiss. The stitches all made sense, and I had nothing left over. Then I did row 2.

This is the point where I realized something was terribly wrong. So wrong, in fact, that I turned my iPod off in the middle of Rough Hands. Mid-song, people. I never, ever, turn my iPod off mid-song, because I consider that to be sacrilege. And I especially wouldn't even consider turning it off in the middle of one of the Best Songs Ever.

I sat there, with about 5 stitches left to be worked, realizing that the number of stitches I was supposed to work didn't equal what was left. At all. I looked at the pattern and then back at the knitting. I may have let out an involuntary whine.

Now I have to rip back and start the lace part over. I also have to go and repent now for having stopped mid-song. I feel dirty.

Sometimes I eavesdrop

I have decided to give myself some time to escape from the usual 'mom duties'. I've barricaded myself in my daughter's room (henceforth known as bookworm), and have commandeered her computer.

I've been enjoying a few minutes of not being interrupted. Not having to stop the moment my one year old son (aka Little Monkey) wakes from his nap, whether I was in the middle of something or not.

Very nice. I guess this is what life was like B.C. (Before Children) I wouldn't know, since apparently I'm so old I can't even remember back that far. Not that I'm complaining, I'm just saying that time is one of those things you never seem to have enough of when you have kids. Of course, that also means the reason you have no time is because your life is so overflowing with goodness and joy and mirth that you simply cannot spare any time. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

So, I was sitting here enjoying my moment of solitude, sprucing up my little blog, when I overheard the following conversation from the living room:

-----
Setting: Mr. Operandi (my hubby) and bookworm were tucking away some of Little Monkey's toys so as to lessen the 'war zone' look of our place

Mr. Operandi: Did you just put the knitted toys into the drawers?
Bookworm: Yeah
Mr. Operandi: No, keep those out, he likes those... put the other crap in the drawers.
-----

And I thought the goodness of the knit toys went completely unnoticed. I feel all warm and fuzzy, now. Maybe in this delirium I can negotiate some more yarn to add my my stash.

I mean, it's for the children.

Obligatory introductory post

So here it is... the dawn of yet another blog. Another blogger facing the vast openness of the blogosphere and forced with the pressure of saying something interesting.

Well you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm not. I will not bow to the expectations placed upon me. Interesting? Bah! It's for weaklings. For those who are too ashamed or worried about starting off with Boring.

So what can I tell you about myself that's completely uninteresting?

I'm a mom of two. We're of the learn-at-home ilk. I knit. I love music. I have a snaggletooth that I love. I still have a baby tooth. My favourite colour is orange. (Ok, maybe that's interesting in a psychological analysis kind of way.) I wear glasses and I cherish every moment I wear them. Why? Well, I don't wear makeup, and I figure the glasses are my way of making my face less boring. (It's a tough job.)

What can you expect from this blog? Whatever you want... just don't blame me when I don't live up to your expectations - you would have brought that on yourself by placing lofty (and frankly completely unreasonable) demands on me. Really, you oughta be ashamed of yourself!

I'm snarky and sarcastic. I can have a caustic sense of humour. I can be so utterly self-deprecating that you will weep at the thought of my delicate fragile self being damaged by my alter-ego. Weep. Get the tissues out.

I'll post about anything and everything, and hopefully you'll be amused. And if not? I'm cool with that. That's why your browser has that handy dandy red 'x' in that top corner.

But please, don't leave me. I couldn't take the abandonment.